I think it is really necessary for me to buy into this whole blogging thing. Sure, my friends and I posted icons and quizze when we all had Xanga what feels like forever ago. But I never understood what people honestly thought was so important that they needed to type it out for anyone to see. Now, at least for me, blogging is where I'm going to write the things I can't say.
Blogging is always a medium for people to say things in a way in which they wish they could but can't. For me, I just want to use this almost as a journal. In my past experience, journals are painful though. They are tangible reminders that are filled with ticket stubs and other memories that can be too wonderful or painful to bear.
Tonight, more than ever, I need someone. And I have absolutely nobody. So, this will have to suffice. I've decided that my new year's resolution is to be independent, and I'm going to do that in a few ways. A) Trust nobody. B) DO NOT fall in love. I think if I try really hard I can stick to those two tenets. Trust is easy because I can honestly say right now that I do not fully trust anyone. I want to go over a list I posted on my Facebook of some life lessons that I learned in 2009.
#1: If your friends tell you not to date a guy, be cautious.
Everyone, absolutely everyone, told me not to date Matt. They told me his reputation, as though I didn't know it, in hopes that I could see what a monstrous mistake I was making. Unfortunately, I didn't see what I was getting myself into.
#2: If a guy's friends tell you not to date him, listen to them!
This really should have been the final red flag, but unfortunately, I was too stubborn for my own good in this case. Well actually, naive would be a better word than stubborn.
#3: Trust is earned from people, and a select few at that. If you think you trust more than a couple people, you're probably going to learn the hard way.
Like I said, I trust very very few people. Even those I trust, I don't trust 100 percent. Maybe this is bad but considering how much I've been hurt recently I really don't think anyone could blame me. Except Matt of course, who thinks people should be trusted until you have a reason not to trust them. Yeah fuck that. He clearly has just never been hurt by anyone. Come to think of it, I really don't think he has enough feelings for that.
#4: Tattoos are an acceptable form of stress relief.
Easy enough. It's true.
#5: Even if your family is dysfunctional, sometimes they are exactly what you need.
Now I'd like to add on to this: only in small doses! Sure enough, after two weeks at home I've had more than enough. My mom let her facade slip and today she actually told me to go back to school cause she doesn't like having me around. It was nice while our mutual pretending of being able to be in the same room lasted. She will never understand me.
#6: Lady Gaga is a genius and I seriously admire her talent, creativity, and attitude.
Yes yes.
#7: Friendships are arbitrary until they have been tested. If you lose a friend, your friendship was never real to begin with and you are better off without them for sure. Those friendships that make it through adversity are true.
This one is still a theory, but I've lost too many friends over the past few months to put much stock in friendship. We'll see how this one goes.
#8: Once you have been betrayed by someone, things will never be the same, and I've seen this one on both sides.
True true true.
#9: Relationships are worth it until a line is crossed in some way and there is no going back. However, they shouldn't be given up on until its past that point.
I wish more people thought the same way I do on this subject. Maybe Zack would better understand why I was able to stop caring about him. Or maybe John would see that he is miserable with Cindy and should just DUMP HER. I don't even want to date him, I just hate seeing him with her. He's not the same.
#10: Gannon is like big high school, in every way imaginable.
Well yeah.
#11: Sometimes, no matter how hard you try to help someone when you see their life turning into a train wreck, you can't do anything and have to watch it happen. Just be there for them to help them pick up the pieces when the inevitable wreck happens.
I couldnt stress this more. I continually watch my friends make mistakes, but I know they also watch me make mistakes and all we can do is be there for each other when it matters.
#12: Don't judge too quickly. Just because a situation seems a certain way doesn't mean it is what it appears to be.
#13: Bud Light is perfectly okay to drink with lunch, especially if said lunch is a Hot Pocket or Ramen.
#14: If you talk about someone...it gets back to them! I love hearing the things people make up about me, and I also think this is the best way to weed out who you can trust and who you can't.
#15: The quality of forgiveness is one that is my biggest strength and weakness. As my lovely roommate Sam Shaffer's side says: To err is human; to forgive, divine.
I don't really have anything else to contribute to these...I just wish more people would care about me the way I care about them, I guess is what it all comes down to.
